So Ted Cruz is running for president, it turns out, because like every other Republican running for president, he is all about Republican Jesus. Which is interesting for a guy who doesn’t have a prayer of winning the nomination, let alone the presidency. Republican Jesus didn’t exist, and neither do Ted’s chances.
Let’s hear him out though. I mean, the guy’s a Republican. What’s he gonna do but lie?
Take his new video, a blessedly short 30-second virtual waterboarding where he talks about the “transformative power” of Jesus to apparently turn him into a bald-faced liar and hypocrite:
Were it not for the transformative love of Jesus Christ, I would have been raised by a single mom without my father in the house. God’s blessing has been on America from the very beginning of this nation. Over and over again, when we faced impossible odds, the American people rose to the challenge.
I find it heartwarming. At least as much as Kirk Cameron saving Christmas.
Kirk wants us to believe Halloween is a Christian holiday. Ted wants us to believe he gives a sh*t about what Jesus said.
“This is our fight, and that is why I’m running for president of the United States.”
No wait, why are you running again? Seriously, why?
I must have missed something.
Jesus is a guy he has nothing in common with. Cruz would probably demand Jesus be deported as a possible ISIL sympathizer, if not for his radical views.
Forget all the “Jesus didn’t exist” stuff for a minute and play along with me here.
At least a guy named Jesus exists in the Bible, even if you don’t buy his historical existence. It’s not the historical Jesus Christianity is based upon anyway, but the Jesus of the gospels.
But Republican Jesus? Blonde-haired, blue-eyed European Jesus with an AR-15?
Yeah. There’s no precedent at all for that guy. And that’s the guy Ted Cruz worships. I’ll prove it to you doubters.
Look, for the sake of argument, just take Jesus as he is in the gospels. Not all four gospels together, mind you, because they contradict each other in numerous ways and cannot all be true. I mean, look, Jesus was either born during Herod’s reign as per Matthew 2.1 (he died in 4 BCE) or, per Luke 2.1, when Quirinius took the census in 6 CE. He could not have been born both times.
But never mind all that. Take Jesus as the guy who gave the Sermon on the Mount. His Beatitudes. Dining with prostitutes and tax collectors. The guy who said rich people are damned for selling their souls to Satan, and that poor people would be lifted up and blessed. That Jesus.
Jesus said love your enemies. Turn the other cheek. If they steal from you, offer them more. Don’t judge. Don’t throw the first stone.
And consider that in each Republican candidate, including Ted Cruz, we have a guy who hates the poor and loves the rich. Ted Cruz doesn’t love his enemies. He excoriates them. He doesn’t turn the other cheek. He burns for revenge. He sure as hell doesn’t hesitate to judge.
He claimed, speaking to David Brody of CBN that,
There may be other candidates who get down and nasty, who get personal, who go into the gutter and launch attacks. I ain’t going to be one of them, and I’m not going to reciprocate.
Yet, for a guy who says he doesn’t get down and nasty, he sure likes to call names and get down and nasty. For example, his hatred of gays is such that he has claimed that marriage equality somehow poses “a real danger to our liberty.”
Since they only want the same rights he has, he is apparently admitting that he, himself, is “a real danger to liberty” (he is).
Families of Newtown shooting-victims are, to Cruz, “political props” as opposed to real, suffering people.
He has even mocked fellow Republicans, calling them “squishes,” which certainly doesn’t sound very nice. If he disagrees with them, Jesus requires that he turn the other cheek. Republican Jesus though, he’s a name-caller!
Of Joe Biden he said, “You don’t need a punchline. You just say his name, people laugh.”
He has accused the president of hiring “operatives” to heckle him (because of course, why would anybody heckle him?), and he certainly lowered himself to another gutter attack when he called Obama a “lawless imperator.”
On Tuesday, he not only praised the Indiana RFRA, but he compared banning anti-gay discrimination to forcing a rabbi to eat pork! Which makes no sense at all.
Yes, Ted Cruz is quite familiar with the gutter. It’s where his mind lives.
And he steals. He can call it politics, but he is a thief. Not only does he get money for nothing, “working” as a senator, where he has put his name on exactly one piece of legislation since he got the job, but he supports legislation that takes your money and gives it to rich people who don’t need it and who won’t do anything with it but save it – outside of this country, so they can steal too without paying any taxes on it.
Not to mention all your money he gives to oil companies so they can turn around and give it to him for doing what they want him to do.
Jesus, you might remember, said “Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s,” but these guys won’t do that either. “F*** that,” they say, and shove it into foreign bank where ole Caesar can’t touch it.
One thing Ted Cruz is right about, however. We will rise up to the challenge of Ted Cruz and the Religious Right, and keep America free for all religions, or for no religion at all, as the Founding Fathers intended when the wrote Article VI, paragraph 3 of the U.S. Constitution, and the First Amendment.
So happy Easter from Ted Cruz, who chooses to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection with unholy lies and hypocrisy – the very character defects Jesus condemned.
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