Well, we know who our next president is, crows David Brody, Christian Broadcasting Network’s chief political correspondent: Rand Paul.
And you know why? Go ahead and ask. Because he wears jeans! “The jeans symbolize something that no other potential candidate for president possesses.”
That’s right, because he wears jeans, you know that Rand Paul is hep to the jive:
He also understands that the traditional Republican orthodoxy of the past needs to change in order to win future elections. Does that mean those conservative principles need to change? No, of course not. But a fresh, different approach is needed.
And, Brody tells us, Paul is “going to do his best to walk that new path…in a pair of blue jeans that could take him into straight into The White House.”
Don’t believe it? Remember when Rand Paul said,
That doesn’t mean we give up on what we believe in, but it means we have to be a more welcoming party. We have to welcome people of all races. We need to welcome people of all classes – business class, working class.
Well Rand Paul is living it, not just saying it, babeeeee! I mean, he’s bringing it!
What we are witnessing is a man who has no desire to use the same tired old GOP playbook that’s been trotted out for decades. He’s creating a new playbook and trying to create a new, younger, more diverse GOP voting constituency.
[…]
Do you get the picture? Rand Paul is different than every other Republican who may run for president. Heck, one of his favorite musical artists is Indie-Pop singer Aimee Allen. That’s the way Rand Paul rolls. Sunglasses, jeans, and Indie-Pop.
Who knew Neo-Confederate, white supremacist Christian Nationalism could be so cool? Forget the 1930s. Völkisch is so 21st century!
It really sets Super Paul apart from the drab, mundane pack. Brody writes,
You see, Rand Paul likes to wear jeans. While other politicians are wearing a suit and tie, Paul is different. At the recent CPAC event, all the other politicians went with the traditional look. Not Paul. Jeans were in order.
Paul’s choice of leg attire represents something. Whether the senator from Kentucky knows it or not, it’s his calling card to say he’s unique, different, and a trendsetter within the Republican Party. His libertarian “genes” are represented in those blue jeans.
According to Brody,
Paul’s choice of leg attire represents something. Whether the senator from Kentucky knows it or not, it’s his calling card to say he’s unique, different, and a trendsetter within the Republican Party. His libertarian “genes” are represented in those blue jeans.
Take that, other politicians! I mean, who else is bold enough, daring enough, Maverick enough to wear jeans, thus demonstrating their unique suitability for public office?
Ooops.
Okay, but other than Obama, who else is hip enough to wear jeans? And he’s a Democrat anyway. I mean, c’mon! Show me another Republican trendsetter with jeans full of libertarian jeans! I dare ya! I double dog dare ya!
Ummm, oh alright, but other than Barack Obama and Ted Cruz, who else is anywhere near cool enough to wear jeans?
Oh fine!
But look, certainly you see that Rand Paul is the only Republican cool enough to wear jeans! And surely you see that “He’s going to places that Republicans just don’t frequent. I mean, UC Berkley?”
According to Brody, Paul’s over-the-top libertarian coolness stuffed into a pair of jeans will carry him all the way to the White House. But will it be that easy? Do blue jeans cancel out the extreme nature of Paul’s political agenda? Do they hide his rampant Christian nationalism and bigotry?
Not so fast, David Brody.
Michael Gerson wrote in an op-ed at The Washington Post that there is no substantive difference between Ron Paul and Rand Paul’s libertarianism: “Rand Paul’s goal is to legitimize the Paulite movement, not repudiate its worst elements.” And jeans be damned: Rand’s “ties to those elements,” wrote Gerson, “may put an upward limit on his political rise.”
Because, let’s face it, as any Heathen will tell ya: we are our deeds, not our jeans. And deed-wise? Rand Paul is one ugly dude.
- Resistance Leader Maxine Waters Receives Standing Ovation at MTV Movie Awards - Mon, May 8th, 2017
- A Desperate Trump Lashes Out As Sally Yates Prepares to Testify - Mon, May 8th, 2017
- Idaho Republican Claims ‘Nobody Dies Because They Don’t Have Access to Health Care’ - Mon, May 8th, 2017
