Thank God for the Kochs Because Disney is Turning Our Kids Gay

We have seen repeatedly how obsessed the Religious Right is with ideas of demons and Satan. Satan especially is a handy crutch for them: if you don’t like something, just say Satan is behind it. I well remember born-again Christians, whom I otherwise liked very much as people, telling me that Satan was behind my own religion. When I would tell them Satan was their problem, that Pagans did not believe in Satan, they would answer that by denying Satan I was doing his work.

I will return to this point about being a Heathen and dealing with the problem of aberrant Christianity. For now let me remark that this is coming from people who, like Michele Bachmann, while pretending to follow the anti-rich teachings of Jesus, are probably now thanking God for the ultra-rich people Koch brothers for funding their “moral” crusade against poor people and the other social misfits Jesus liked to pal around with and minister to.

Speaking of doing Satan’s work, what was that Michele Bachmann was saying at CPAC?

I just thank God that there’s a billionaire or two on our side. All the billionaires seem to be on the radical left, so I’m glad that we have a couple on ours. I hope we get a few more that are willing that come out but realize also this is an intimidation movement, I’m sure that the donors on our side don’t like to have their names vilified and that’s what this is about, intimidating people from giving money to our cause, that’s it. There’s something called the RICO statute, the racketeering law, that should be applied against them for doing this.

One or two? Okay, I won’t even go there today.

Instead, let me point out: You can’t escape Satan, apparently, not any more than you can escape the Kochs, not while the American Taliban is so obsessed with the guy. Whoever would have thought a fringe character in the Old Testament, a lieutenant of God himself, would become the ultimate architect of evil in the world’s largest religion?

Let’s face it: even many mainstream Christians believe in Satan and because Jesus did, you can’t really blame them: it’s a package deal. But even though Jesus said rich people aren’t getting into the Kingdom of God, fundamentalists are more than willing to let the ultra-rich Kochs fund their hatred of humanity in Jesus’ name. Why are they willing to trust Jesus on Satan but not his warnings about rich people being in league with Satan? Jesus knew perfectly well you didn’t get ahead in this world without making dark deals with the powers that ruled it.

Gallup told us in 2003 that fully 68 percent “said in a May 2001* poll that they believe in the devil, 20% said they don’t, and 12% said they aren’t sure. Majorities of Americans of every political inclination, region, educational level, and age group said they believe in the devil.” The Satan obsession is even worse among conservatives, with the same report revealing that,

Eighty-three percent of self-described members of the religious right believe in the devil, as do 64% who don’t consider themselves members of the religious right. Seventy-nine percent of Protestants and 70% of Catholics believe in the devil.

A 2007 Gallup poll revealed no improvement: “7 in 10 profess belief in the Devil and in hell.”

Enlightenment is a long time coming, apparently, The thing is, though Christianity pretends to be part of some “Judeo-Christian” symbiosis, Judaism does not “believe in” Satan, let alone obsess over him. Scientific American wrote about the psychological power of Satan last year, showing how a belief in “pure evil” shapes people’s thinking.

If the Religious Right has weaponized Jesus, they have an endless supply of Satanized ammunition, the sort which Kevin Swanson hurled at Disney’s film “Frozen” last Wednesday. My third-grader’s school is having a showing of Frozen in the school gym. My only problem with that is that I don’t think my poor abused back would survive the experience. But Swanson and his co-host Steve Vaughn have a different sort of problem with the film: it will turn your kids gay.

Do you want to know why? Of course you want to know why:

Swanson: Man, how many children are taken into these things and how many Christians are taking their kids off to see the movie Frozen, produced by an organization that is probably one of the most pro-homosexual organizations in the country? You wonder sometimes, I’m not a tinfoil hat conspiratorialist, but you wonder sometimes if maybe there’s something very evil happening here. If I was the Devil, what would I do to really foul up an entire social system and do something really, really, really evil to 5- and 6- and 7-year-olds in Christian families around America?

Vaughn: I would make a movie.

Swanson: I would buy Disney. If I was the Devil, I would buy Disney in 1984, that’s what I would have done.

Vaughn: Then you would start making all these nice little movies that throw little things in there that make sin look enticing, in fact some of the worst of sins, make it look enticing or at least to start to indoctrinate slowly, turn the heat up on the frog in the pan.

Swanson: Friends, this is evil, just evil. I wonder if people are thinking: “You know I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way.” I wonder if the average parent going to see Frozen is thinking that way. I wonder if they are just walking in and saying, “Yeah, let’s get my five-year-old and seven-year-old indoctrinated early.” You know they’re not, I think for the most part they’re oblivious. Maybe they do pick up on pieces of it but they just don’t get up and walk out.

Seriously, if you’re reading the Gospels you have to figure that if anything, Satan’s plan would have included, at the very least, getting rich, because fundamentalists LOVE rich people. Theologically speaking, the Kochs are more likely to be agents of Satan than Disney, or at least as likely.

All this may seem silly to liberals and progressives, but people on the Religious Right are in deadly earnest when it comes to this stuff. Look, if your nice aunt and uncle, your grandma and grandpa, believe in Satan, how much worse must the obsession be for religious extremists? Don’t let the fact that you know Satan doesn’t exist blind you to the fact that they know he does.

Until we on he left get it through our thick heads that those on the right are fighting a different type of war than we are, we won’t win. For us, the war against Saddam Hussein was a war against a thuggish dictator, but for people like Gen. Jerry Boykin, it was a war against Satan himself. We are fighting an intellectual war; they are fighting a spiritual war. We’re not even on the same wave-length.

I know you say, “Well, thank God for that!” and in this regard, the Religious Right, including Kevin Swanson and Steve Vaughn, has never moved out of the 13th century. Their grasp of the scientific underpinnings of our universe is tenuous at best, arguably no more advanced or enlightened than that of the inquisitors who “examined” Galileo in the sixteenth. But they like it there. They like the 13th century. Ignorance is their friend. The last thing they want you to do is open a book.

But don’t think you can appeal to the Bible if you are accused; they have only a passing familiarity with their own holy scriptures as well. That ramshackle abortion they call Christianity is a monstrosity cobbled together out of personal prejudices, ignorance, superstition, and fear, and is as ugly a thing as the human race has ever produced.

Real Christians, its time you take your religion back. The lunatics have had it long enough. Nobody can do it for you. Certainly not this surly old son of Odin. All I can do is point you in the right direction, and say, “please.”

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Hrafnkell Haraldsson

Hrafnkell Haraldsson, a social liberal with leanings toward centrist politics has degrees in history and philosophy. His interests include, besides history and philosophy, human rights issues, freedom of choice, religion, and the precarious dichotomy of freedom of speech and intolerance. He brings a slightly different perspective to his writing, being that he is neither a follower of an Abrahamic faith nor an atheist but a polytheist, a modern-day Heathen who follows the customs and traditions of his Norse ancestors. He maintains his own blog, A Heathen's Day, which deals with Heathen and Pagan matters, and Mos Maiorum Foundation www.mosmaiorum.org, dedicated to ethnic religion. He has also contributed to NewsJunkiePost, GodsOwnParty and Pagan+Politics.

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