GOP Circus
A weekly round up of the Republican Wing Nut Circus
GOP Circus
This week, Republicans were freaked out over good news about the economy (say it ain’t so, Joe!) so in their ever impressive attempt to “take back their country”, they did what all Real Americans do — they focused on animals. Yes, from suggesting we barter chickens for healthcare to comparing illegal immigrants to dogs, it’s been a wild GOP ride this week. Please no comments on the disturbing Freudian slips of the party of Repression and Regression. This is tough enough.
GOOD NEWS BEGETS THE CRAZIES:
Not only did the Commerce Department announce on Friday that The United States economy has expanded for three quarters in a row but CNN Money reports: The White House’s $787 billion stimulus plan funded 682,779 jobs in the first quarter, administration officials said Friday (and) the number does not tally jobs created indirectly through companies buying supplies for stimulus projects, people spending their tax cuts, increased unemployment benefits and the like. Oh noes! Buckle up – Here we go:
CHICKEN GATE: Chickens for a Check-Up
Turning the Nevada senate race into “zoo”, GOP senatorial candidate Sue Lowden says we can get healthcare for chickens (“bring a chicken to the doctor”). In spite of being mocked for a week, Lowden stands by her common sense conservative suggestion that we barter feathers and fowl for an MRI. You can watch Sue sell ChickenCare here:
In response, the DSCC Launches ‘Chickens for Checkups’ Site where you can write to Lowden to ask where you can find a doctor who will take in trade whatever livestock you happen to possess or, if you’re desperate, indentured servitude, because we all know the GOP stands for liberty.
Pragmatists have brought up the issue that it is not legal to own livestock in many areas. Why do they want to rain on Lowden’s conservative parade? They must be evil liberal elites who think the law matters. “Chickens for Check-Ups” is the goose that laid the golden egg for the GOP!
But wait, a Daily Kos/Research 2000 poll shows Lowden at 45% with Reid coming closer than anyone thought he could at 41%. Apparently ChickenCare is not going to be the One Great Idea the GOP had this year. In that case, we’re still waiting.
HANNITY HACKS UP A HAIRBALL
In a desperate bid to distract Americans from the reckless, careless and now humiliatingly stupid Drill, Baby, Drill mantra that Fox sold in 2008, Hannity tried to rebrand the oil spill as Obama’s Katrina. In order to do this, he had to lie repeatedly but this is why it pays for Hannity to be on Fox, who sued for the right to lie on air and call it news. Here’s hoping he doesn’t choke on that hairball of lies.
“Hannity was not only inaccurate about the Obama the administration’s response to the spill. He lied. I know how desperate the right is to bring Obama down, but an oil spill is not the same thing as a class 5 hurricane that the federal government had plenty of notice about, but chose to sit back and watch as American citizens died in their own homes. Obama’s response in this situation has been the anti-Bush, but for Sean Hannity the truth is simply not an option.”
Luckily, Hannity’s viewers were not disgusted watching him cough up said hairball because they had already been sold on the idea that Obama’s SWAT team of environmentalists had somehow descended on the oil rig from the sky and destroyed it in an evil plot to…well, destroy the environment. When asked how this could have happened with no one noticing, they were happy to point out that a conspiracy theory is only worth something if you suspend all disbelief first. Kinda like when you press the lever for R? Oh, I kid, I kid.
“YOU LOOK ILLEGAL TO ME”
Republican Governor Jan Brewer implemented a draconian, impractical and perhaps unconstitutional illegal immigration law. The country protested. Brewer attempted to justify her position by politicizing a drug smuggling border violence event wherein a police officer was wounded. Never mind that her law does absolutely nothing to secure our borders or deal with drug smuggling violence or undocumented weapons used in drug runs.
The Right is still screaming that illegals are, well…”illegal” and hence are not protected by our Constitution, missing the point that the country’s outrage is about citizens losing their rights. Those citizens who might “appear” to be illegal but are, in fact, legal.
Is this a good time to remind y’all that Brewer was involved with the racially loaded purge of the voter rolls in Arizona during the David Iglesias (fired by Republicans for not falsely prosecuting for voter fraud when it did not exist) debacle? Greg Balast reported:
“Beginning after the 2004 election, under Brewer’s command, no less than 100,000 voters, overwhelmingly Hispanics, were blocked from registering to vote. In 2005, the first year of the Great Brown-Out, one in three Phoenix residents found their registration applications rejected.”
Oh, gosh, I don’t see anything remotely agenda-driven about this here Papers Please law, do you? It seems so All-American, so melting-pot embracing, it makes me want to break out into a chorus of “America the Beautiful” (aka, Sarah Palin’s version of the Constitution).
Speaking of sister Sarah, she claimed that Brewer had to implement Papers Please in order to protect our borders because the “Federal Government” isn’t doing anything. This, of course, is a lie…But I’m sure you figured that out after you read “Palin claimed”. Back in reality land, just last week, Lindsay Graham was trying to get ONE Republican to sign an illegal immigration bill he co-authored – a bill that was more conservative than an earlier bill put forth under Bush that both parties supported.
A local Arizona sheriff was asked what he thought the solution to the law was and he replied, “The November election.” Ouch.
CRIST DEFECTION
Crist, who offended the Teapublicans by once hugging the anti-Christ known as President Obama, has been officially driven out of the Republican party. Chalk another “win” up for the Tea Party as the litmus test for belonging to the club grows ever more contradictory in its attempts to appear to be about policy when really, it comes down to “if you do not think Obama is evil personified, then get out!”.
“My decision to run for the U.S. Senate as a candidate without party affiliation says more about our nation and our state than it says about me,” Crist said. Translation: The GOP has gone mad and even I am unwilling or unable to go that far. Sigh.
The Daily Beast’s Reihan Salam (who co-authored a book on how the GOP could expand…somehow I doubt this is what he had in mind) reports on the political landscape in Florida:
“Charlie Crist’s opponents aren’t paragons of virtue. Meek is, to his credit, a consistent liberal who is willing to support tax increases to fund new spending commitments, which is more than can be said of Crist. Rubio has taken the remarkable step of arguing that Social Security spending needs to be trimmed, a gutsy move for a candidate of any party in Florida…. Some even suggested that Crist should join the Democrats. This is, in my view, a baseless smear against Democrats.”
Ah yes, cut Social Security. At least Rubio is standing by the Tea Party rhetoric. All that remains is for the white haired Tea Party advocates to figure out what they actually stand for and we’ll be treated to a collective defection akin to the channel changing last night when Leno started to talk.
I see the GOP tent expanding from my kitchen window.
RWNJ Quote of the Week
Pat Bertroche, an Iowa Republican congressional candidate compares illegal immigrants to animals and suggests implanting them with microchips:
“I think we should catch ’em, we should document ’em, make sure we know where they are and where they are going,” Bertroche said. “I actually support microchipping them. I can microchip my dog so I can find it. Why can’t I microchip an illegal?” Yes, indeed, Pat. Why not?
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